dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
