That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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