You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
