mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Randomize
