found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
