And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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