Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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