And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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