Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
