oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
