so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
