How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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