I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
