Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
