I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
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