just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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