we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
