david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
