Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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