How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We have started to decorate penises.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
