honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
