guys are only as good as the porn they watch
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
