I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
