i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
