its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
