I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
