Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
