officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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