I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
