I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
