It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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