Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
