I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Randomize
