i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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