she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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