I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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