Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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