I don't usually arrange sex via text message
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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