Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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