She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
