Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
