remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
