I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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