so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
