How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
