he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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