I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
