he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
