cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
