that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
