Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
