It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I party with great urgency now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
