I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize